There are mornings when I wake up, feeling I don't deserve love and happiness.
Then there are those nights,
That bring the days spent in darkness.
It isn't like those bystanders who said that I don't want to be happy, and the reality is my own choice.
When I can't even share the truth, I, a girl with a happy face is just living in disguise.
For being happy, I could pay off anything, every price.
It was my eyes who failed to hide my pain, not my voice.
I felt every moment like I am going to die.
Yet holding up my smiling face whereas all I wanted to sit somewhere alone and cry.
Suffocated, Ashamed,Embarrassed is what I feel, but fear not "I am happy" is one of my favourite lie.
Maybe everything is okay or maybe these people don't even want to care.
My life is no more a daydream of being princess, though changed into a constant nightmare.
All I could do is hurting myself, so I kept cursing myself and my stupid life for not being fair.
Few of them asked me what's wrong?
Is it me who is too weak or are they too much strong?
Look at them! They throw hatred on me, pointing out my flaws like I entertain myself by watching myself fall.
But, I couldn't hold this on to myself anymore and to protect myself, I had to put up this wall.
A wall, which is hiding me on the other side, won't let them see my flaws and pain.
I should have realised it before that all of my tears that dropped down my cheeks would go in vain.
I created a character in my mind,
Where like others she is also flawless and invincible.
But how could I forget the reality?
Where winning in this battle of life wasn't even possible.
So I started living a life with two different characters, in a hope where days would become bright.
One life is for public, happy and cool. And the other life is only for me, who cries late at night.
Isn't it more ohkay than being comfortable with those people laughing at me when I am sharing my issues?
Or to live a life where the days are meant for hoping for happiness in life, nights are spent in sorrows and tears wiped on tissues?