Mental Health Issues; When we read this phrase only two things tend to pop up in our head(immediately) i.e Depression & Anxiety.
I'll write down a page of my diary for you to know better where i'm getting this to.
Pre ps: there might be a few curses here and there so i apologize about it but it needs to be raw
Hey bitch(yeah, sorry i'm foul mouthed person),
So another day, another fight. You must be so tired of me ranting but what can I do you're the only one I talk to that don't insert their fucked up old quotes.You must be thinking who was that person with bad luck, well you won't be disappointed or surprised...me.You know it's me how i see each and every millimeter of flaw. I'm so tired of people trying to make me understand how i'm beautiful, to me who has never seen herself except for fake pictures and reflections that twist my mind.They try to bring so called body and self positivity in my life, i'm fucking positive let me live.You cannot expect a teenager to handle all your demands, demands like hey you should wear colours black is "unlucky" or like hey look at how the art looks on white paper than on black sand paper.Personally i feel like my voice is a high pitched trumpet. Let us face this it's risky for long hours(pun intended).I am always conscious about my voice it's like hey puberty skipped that part and i sound like a 12 year old.Since i'm talking about reflections science itself says that brain makes our reflections look 10x more attractive than it actually is how to fucking trust this? i can't so yes that's what i think of when you eye me and say i'm beautiful or when you hear me sing and say oh you have an angelic voice i cannot trust it, because that's how i view it. I'm worth everything but again worthless.
I always wished for the perfect wheatish colour of the skin(being fair has its own drawbacks) or my hair to be nice and curly(i have wavy and very thin hair). After seeing this you might say beautiful but, i will absolutely not agree with you because, my shoes are different than yours.When you force me to agree on it, it makes me hate you(please don't mind they are facts). It takes all of me to smile Because again i think my smile is ugly because my eyebrows are arched sharply and it ruins my face if i smile, i keep my face straight and stretched.I'm so focused on my body that i sometimes avoid eating.When i cry, let me cry a river, it doesn't help when you say stop crying only i do is stop and build a frustration.You could help me by saying aye kid cry til you feel lightweight.Being Self conscious is a war with yourself everyday and no people, it doesn't help when you send your positive "quotes". Please see it from our perspective too all we need is "Everything will be fine, chill!".One Fine day i'll step in the daylight and accept myself and your fucking colours too.
Ps: this is a fictional letter i do not have time to manage and maintain a journal.
All i'm trying to say is self consciousness is a thing. It is an Issue and it doesn't help with your quotes and whatsoever.
Also i'm not very good with punctuations so forgive me if you see any error. Just focus on the point
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