• Flaws and relationship.

Flaws and relationship.

DON'T accept someone with their flaws:

In childhood, I saw a movie called 'Mohabbatein'. There was an instance when the actor consoles the actress as "If someone loves you, they will accept you the way you are. If they love you after changing you, that's not love."

I used to believe in that.

Not anymore. It's CRAP. And a TRAP.

The entire notion is wrong. If you love someone, you want them to be perfect. You want all the positive changes in them. Change in thoughts, in habits, in the nature and behaviour.

I have witnessed many relations go downstream only due to this notion. My friends Jayesh and Shital had a love marriage. Jayesh loved Shital very much. He still loves her more than anyone. But..... He was not at romanticism. Jayesh wanted to do everything for Shital and hence, made himself too busy to even think of her as his woman. Shital's acceptance deteriorated the relationship, which has now hit the rock bottom. Had Shital not accepted his ignorance for her, their love, which has reduced to mere formality, would have been still blooming.

This is not only a talk on flaws in expressions but flaws in thoughts and habits too. For example if a guy thinks that wearing short dresses is a taboo and you accept that as his spouse, you might be oppressed by him in the future for the same. If a guy has smoking or drinking habits and you accept that, it might be fatal for his health and ultimately, your happiness, later.

If you accept someone with the flaws you restrict their growth and don't let them evolve as a person. Those who point your flaws and want a change in you, are your true well wishers. 

In older times, women went through much oppression in the society. Whether in terms of dowry, or female foeticide, Women are being oppressed for centuries because they accepted the flaws of their husbands, their in-laws and even their own family members. They accepted their 'fate'. Their life was precarious.

However, Nowadays situation of women has somewhat changed. The scenario has changed too. Now men are being oppressed because of accepting the flaws of their spouses. Men are being oppressed due to various reasons. They are losing their freedom. They are accepting their 'fate'. They are facing domestic violence and false cases. This is not about gender.

This is only about the acceptance of the flaws. So 'Not all Men' or 'Not all Women' will not be entertained here. This discussion is not a generalization.

Westernization has played a big role in imparting the idea of accepting someone with their flaws. Bollywood has time and again propagated it. On the other hand, Our Hindu idea is about evolution. You have to evolve continually, not only as a person, but also as a soul. Our Vedas always profess the idea of improvement and evolution of the flaws, not accepting them.

These examples are only about the relationship of a couple. However, this is equally applicable to any relationship.

We should limit this idea of accepting the flaws to the physical flaws, or the flaws which are there since birth. The God-given flaws. But, We should always seek evolution as a person, and as a soul, in ourselves, as well as our loved ones.

That's it.